On My Way –

I have been working so hard on this book campaign, that I forget why I am doing this, why I wrote a book. I am completely clueless and I feel as if I am walking through a dark night with little to no light to direct me, but somehow I am managing to figure everything out on my own. When I say on my own I don’t mean I am by myself with no friends or supporters, I mean as a single person with no one to turn to when things get hard or when things go well. No one to bounce ideas off of or anyone to ask advice. So I turn to my readers, my letters, my words.

The other day I was informed by my publicist that I needed a website. If I was going to be on the radio for many to hear, I needed to be able to send them to a place where they could read more about me, my story, and what my plans for my book would be. At this point in my life as an adult, Facebook would no longer cut it. I have a website, but it was hidden under my WordPress blog and I knew it needed professional help to uncover it. I called a few friends asking questions, collecting data. After searching and discovering a few things, I ended up in a meeting last night with a friend who knows what she is doing. We spoke on the phone yesterday and made a plan.

After my workout, I sat in my car and plugged in the address to the hotel we were meeting at. Understand that in Austin everything is cool. Coffee shops, car dealerships, and hotels. You can meet anywhere at any time and you would never look out of place. This hotel, located downtown, is open to day drinkers and night swimmers even if you are not staying at the hotel. We have met there before and it was a great meeting spot. As I drove to the meeting, I listened to my GPS guiding my direction and I jammed out to the sounds blaring out of my Bose speaker system in my car. I pulled up to the hotel valet and with a full tank of gas and the GPS coming to an end, I hopped out and handed my keys to the valet. My laptop in hand and a Tory Burch on my arm, I walked through the door of this Austin chic hotel and made my way to the lobby.

Looking around at the floor to ceiling windows, the modern furniture, and hearing the full bar of Austinites, I took a seat, put away my valet ticket, and settled in the chair I sat on. For a minute or two I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I realized how far I have come. I used to rely on the man in my life to help me get where I needed to be. I was almost incapable of taking care of myself. I have not felt so comfortable or at home in my life for a long time, if ever. I melted into the air, the atmosphere. I became one with my surroundings and I felt safe. I was no longer afraid of just being. I was no longer afraid of getting in trouble for being in a public space without permission. The scent in the air was a familiar one, but even now I can’t place it. If I could bottle it, stick a wick in it, and sell it, I would most likely call it home. The freedom I have discovered makes me emotional.

Unless you have been where I have been, you will never understand how alert I am to everything. How in tune I am to my feelings. I found freedom in my phone dying and not worrying about getting in trouble or missing a call. Freedom in talking to people of the opposite sex and not feeling guilty. Freedom in getting in my car without checking in with anyone to make sure its okay that I leave, that I live my life. Over the past three years I have discovered so much freedom.